Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
