why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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