ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize