no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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