Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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