He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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