sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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