I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
