We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
