The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
