idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
