Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize