you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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