What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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