I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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