the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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