meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
