I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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