If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize