Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
there is glitter all over my balls
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
