do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
