it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
