I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
