Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
