Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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