She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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