my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
