Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
