It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
