how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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