I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
