Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
