we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
