Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
