dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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