It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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