i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
