physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
