You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
