I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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