Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
