you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
