this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
