Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
