Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
