Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
