I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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