Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
