I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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