you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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