Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm really into asian looking animals
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
