I am in a vortex of obligation.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
