Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
