I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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