he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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