you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
