guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What a dumb baby whore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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