why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
