just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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