shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
