Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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