She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
