Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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