I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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