Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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