Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
