just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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