i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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