The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
