Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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